i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
