woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
