were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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