you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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