He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
