brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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