We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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