I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
its liver damage thursday
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
