Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
