Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
