Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
