Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
