I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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