Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
