forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
