Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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