look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
