i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
