She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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