I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
