Duck Duck Cougar?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
