Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
