I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
