I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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