please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
