You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
