I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
