My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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