Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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