girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
