I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
