Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
