Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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