MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
