Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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