I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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