I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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