dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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