I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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