yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
