my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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