bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
