All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
