I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
