Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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