Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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