I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
