I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
