I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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