go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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